The first time you leave overnight….

So I left my little for the first time.  The MR.  and I decided to take a 3 day trip and leave her with grandma.  My mom watches whenever I travel for work so I was very comfortable with that.

What I was not prepared for was my own emotions.  Flight lands…I am in paradise but I had to check in for bedtime to make sure she was good.  I called and she was already asleep.  My mom tells the story of how she went up to my picture and looked for me everywhere in the house.

I hung the phone up and BALLED my eyes out for about 15 minutes.  I had to go redo my makeup because I cried so hard.  Who knew it would be so difficult??  I just felt like something was missing and that i was terrible for leaving her.  I know I need this much needed trip but I was not prepared for the rollercoaster that it would put me in.

Night number two was better for her and for me.  Gosh I know wonder what things will be like when she goes to school..college…moves out??  Who knew motherhood would because such a source of personal reflection and growth.

I did notice something different about myself…I am much more confident.  Something about motherhood has created a much more driven person within.  I am starting a online shop…I help a friend build her business and now I just became a Beachbody Coach so that I can help other people AND myself get into shape.  Before motherhood…all I did was work!! Somehow now I can fit all of this other stuff in AND play with a baby all day.

I am happy..I am proud and more than anything I know how blessed I am. There will be more times that I have to leave her but I know that both of us benefit and grow as the days go on.

Finding the Time to Think

One of the things no one told me about motherhood was just the very simple fact that there would be days, weeks etc. where you would go without doing lots of thinking.  You are almost always on auto-drive and you just move from one thing to the next trying to keep up.  I now have a one year old and I swear she was just born.  I am just starting to find the time to do things again for myself.  Then there is the time I used to spend with friends.  Now its nearly non existent and if I get the chance to “sneak away” I have to almost train myself to relax!

Well…cheers to motherhood.  I suppose you live and you learn.  One of these days I will stop heating up my coffee in the microwave about 5 times before realizing that its already time for bed and that I never even got to drink my coffee lol.